My mother-in-law Susan passed away last month. She taught me a lot in the last 20 years, and I benefitted immensely from her wisdom. We hadn’t been able to communicate with her much in the last year due to her Parkinson’s disease, but you could get glimpses of her spirit at moments. When I saw her this summer, she whispered “sweet girl” to me. She called me that a lot. We had a special connection; we both cry easily, love Jesus, and love Jeff (her son and my husband).

Susan had a genuine interest in people and a sweet, gentle, but firm spirit. There are so many ways she inspired me, like with her love for kids and advocacy for physically disabled children. She was a pioneer in fighting to have Jeff, who is disabled, included in mainstream education. She studied early childhood education at Cornell University (my alma mater too) and had a joy and creativity in playing with my son that I deeply appreciated.

Susan also had some wonderful ideas on how live more fully and gracefully. Here are several things that I learned from her about how achieve a more balanced and restful schedule:

• They would only visit for three days. When Jim (my father-in-law) and Susan would come for a visit, they would only stay for three days. They would drive all the way from Wisconsin and then drive back after the short visit. They would also insist on staying at a hotel. I think this was their way of respecting our boundaries and giving us family time.

• She took breaks during the day. During visits, Susan would schedule breaks in between activities with us, especially as her Parkinson’s progressed and her energy decreased. She would simply say that they were going back to their hotel to rest or do something else for a while. Susan, more than many people, understood the need to recharge. Sadly, taking a break was a novel idea to me, especially with houseguests. It was a welcome change for me to have time to myself instead of constantly being busy and falling into bed exhausted.

• She inspired me to use prepared foods. Susan loved to run errands with me just to see what my day-to-day schedule was like. After a trip to the grocery store, she suggested that I use more prepared foods. This was a shocker to me because I grew up in a household where everything was homemade, from the salad dressing to the bread. Susan encouraged me to keep meals simple and even gave me a funny drawing of a chef hiding a frozen dinner behind his back. Although it still sometimes feels weird to me to buy prepared foods at the grocery store, her example helped me to relax and spend more time on other things I enjoy.

• She encouraged us to reduce our commute. My husband and I both had long commutes that could take up to three hours of our day. Susan encouraged us to move closer to our jobs because our commutes were taking us away from time together and adding to our stress. We didn’t end up doing that because it would have entailed a bigger mortgage, plus we loved our neighborhood. But I think it’s a useful idea to keep in mind.

• She recommended whitespace in our schedule. One day Susan told me she wished Jeff and I had more cushion in our schedule. By this, she meant having more unscheduled time to relax or serve as a buffer if another activity goes late. As someone who was used to maxing out every minute, this was a novel idea to me. At first I didn’t understand the concept, but since then, I have learned to add more whitespace to our schedules and sign-up for fewer activities.  

In summary, Susan seemed to understand that as a type A personality, I could use some encouragement in slowing down! Some of the ideas she shared with me took a while to accept because I was brought up differently – especially simpler food preparation. It took some internal work on my part to understand why I felt the need to over-extend myself. From Susan, I learned how to take care of myself better and that I deserved rest too.

I’m grateful for her impact on my life, including her influence on my writing. I mention her in my book, Project Management for Parents, when I talk about whitespace and schedule prioritization in chapters 3 and 4. She influenced my perspective on a balanced lifestyle that has been helpful to many other people as well. She helped me to create a schedule that isn’t too ambitious and allows us time to be human and enjoy moments as they come up.

When I saw Susan for the last time this summer, I shared with her that I had included her in my book and explained what she taught me about whitespace and a balanced schedule. She smiled, and I saw a glint in her eye. I trust she knew how much we appreciated her genuine care for us and what a significant impact she had. We will miss her greatly.

Hilary Kinney is the author of Project Management for Parents, a timeless book that provides resources for busy parents to streamline life at home. She is a certified Professional Project Manager with 17 years of experience at a Fortune 500 company.